Thursday, October 04, 2007
Adopt & you’ll get pregnant!
We’ve been over this, no?
I met a man last week who seemed miffed at the thought that people would link infertility and adoption. Him & his wife have adopted many children & are fighting big for orphans. They did not struggle with infertility (so I gather, from my husband). They knew God had ordained their family & had picked out their children. They adopted.
I was discussing their situation with another person a few days later who implied that adoption is THE answer to infertility. That adoption is what you do when you can’t get pregnant. Okay God: you won’t give me a baby – I’ll go get one of my own. This turned into a group discussion with mostly people who have no clue about our infertility history, or our losses or involvement with adoption agencies for that matter. And OF COURSE the talk wouldn’t have been complete with “Well, everyone knows that if you adopt, you’ll end up pregnant.” Oh, for heavens sake … this is where I mentally exited the conversation. Tons of people adopt and never get pregnant. Praise the Lord when they do! It’s wonderful, that’s why you hear about. No one ever goes around telling stories of the couple who adopted, and then didn’t get pregnant. Statistics people! Aside from all of that frustration in my brain, I had to defend the fact that adoption is not “plan B”. If you’re in it looking to get a child (any child) you’re in it for the wrong reasons. If you have a calling, a desire, a passion to impact the life of a child and welcome them into your family – with a completely selfless heart (which is what it would HAVE to be), than THANK GOD for you.
My mind has been struggling with the two extremes (and I’ve decided to not talk to other people about it for at least a week, b/c I am a bit numb from others’ opinions – thus I am blogging where really I can say what I want and you have no choice but to just listen). Adoption is not the answer to infertility, no. It is not plan B. It is not second best. It is a higher calling to give up your heart and your life to a child. It is completely the highest thing one can do, to give up oneself for another (something I learned a lot about this week). However, I do believe God can use infertility as a path (a long and dark one at times) that lead’s you to adoption. I personally, first handily know couples who would have never thought about adoption had they not been infertile. Now they have full families, children from other parents, other countries, other races. Their families are complete and they know God hand picked those children to be their son/daughter. They couldn’t imagine it any other way. They wouldn’t want it any other way.
So I find myself somewhere in the middle, albeit frustrated with people who know nothing about a particular subject (infertility or adoption) but yet seem to defend their “opinions” to the core. And then there is us. Waiting. Joyfully at times. Frustrated at others. We HAVE NO CLUE where we’re going, but knowing it’s been pre-written by a ‘blessed controller’ (to quote Phillips) is enough.