Saturday, August 09, 2008

Meet Steph

I love finding people who I have common ground with. People who care to take the time to understand. I think we all search for that, don’t we?

Keeping a stable foundation for a blended family can be tough work, especially for the woman of the home – and it’s hard to find people who #1 can understand that and #2 are genuinely kind and want to act with pure intentions. If you were to search the web for groups for step moms or groups for ‘real’ moms what you would no doubt find is on one side of the web, a group of ‘real’ moms doing nothing but complaining and speaking badly about step moms and on the other end of internet land you’d find a group of step moms doing nothing but complaining and speaking badly about all the ‘real’ moms. There’s a stigma there, and quite frankly it’s ridiculous. Can you imagine what the world would look like if we could set down our bitterness or assumptions or insecurities or whatever we’re holding on to, and instead spent that energy on working together {even bonding, gasp!}; isn’t the goal raising secure children? Harder then it sounds, I agree. Anyway, I’ve found my safety in this realm with Stephanie. She is a ‘real’ mom and I am a ‘step’ mom {rid of the labels already, I know!}. And we both have boys we love and homes we’re trying to build, and co-parenting we’d like to participate in. And we have each other to bounce ideas off of, and seek insight in, and learn new things from, and question one another at all hours about which action is appropriate and within bounds of this blended family land. It is amazing how much commonality there is between the struggles of the two roles {ie: “I am home alone this weekend, the boys are with their dad & step mom” vs. “No Andrew isn’t with us this weekend and our house is awfully silent” and questions of “how would YOU feel?” and “help me understand this”}. And what I love even more is the encouragement and Godliness of it. There’s no tearing down or ‘other mom’ bashing – it’s two people on opposite ends of the spectrum genuinely trying to do the right thing in their role as mother {with whatever label} while keeping within the boundaries of each respective role. It ain’t easy! And believe me; I’ve made more then my share of mistakes here. There’s no instruction manual for this, you know! {but, in case you were interested, here is a good resource}.

When we first began the process of foster care, I told Steph that we were going with a FFA, rather then through the county. And turns out, she went through the same agency to foster, and then adopt her 2 boys! Coincidence? Probably not. There was a Koinonia sw @ the wedding and it was neat to talk to her as well! Steph also recently became a CASA worker and has become my sounding board for foster stuff now too. And I am pretty certain I’d like to work with CASA myself {but I don’t think I’ve told her that, yet!}. My ever growing passion for foster care goes beyond any amount of children our house will ever be able to hold. And my ongoing degree is in the proper field. Never know!

So now you know why she’s a favorite friend {that and the woman has a WHOLE room for scrapbooking – c’mon now!!}, but let me tell you why she’s getting her own post {b/c I am not sure I’ve ever devoted a post before? lol.}. Today she married. On the beach in Carmel for heaven’s sake! Glorious beauty! She was radiant with joy. And beautiful. And the new Mrs. Steph {Chris} has stepped into the role of husband, and equally as important – step father. And did I mention they married on the beach in the amazing, beautiful, I will live here someday town of Carmel?

So, without further ado {b/c I know there are some girls DYING to see a photo!}, here she is {it's worth mentioning the we neglected to bring extra batteries, and our camera battery died RIGHT as the wedding started {of course}, so I had to play the turn off, turn on game to try to get pics, some of the end ones didn't turn out well at all b/c the flash wouldn't work --- but Matthew, Steph's oldest son promised to send me the pics he took of us :-) } ...

Maggie, Steph and me. It was fun to see Maggie again & meet her ADORABLE little girls!

Another reason we're friends: great shoe style! She's the one w/ the wedding dress, I have the pink toes. Matt's picture ;-):

We're having so much fun! We'll do a trip update later ...

1 comment:

  1. thank you so much for sharing!!!! and so late at night!!!! Steph looks beautiful! And you and maggie look wonderful too! What a wonderful post about great friends.