Sunday, December 14, 2008

Motivate Me Mondays {running w/ emotions; inside & in between}

I feel like I’ve been doing a lot of staring at a blank screen lately, mostly b/c I don’t know the words that can convey this craziness. I guess I should give you a disclaimer and tell you that I feel anything but motivating today. I spent a long time yesterday trying to discern what God has shown me over this week, but when I think back to each individual day, all I can recognize is a girl running with emotion.

I had a day in court which was full of tears and immense joy; a day of sadness at a tragic, shocking loss; a day of helplessness at the lack of priorities being fed to someone I love; mornings where an illness begged my body to stay in bed; and just a sort of numbness at {another} death. Our friend Mike lost his very long battle with cancer yesterday. He was 21. I feel like this week I have been on a merry go round of joy and sorrow and anger and a general sense of confusion, and I really want the ride to just stop. I’m exhausted. I’m done.

Jason and I have been drawn to a specific part of a song this week, and as I was seeking answers yesterday, the song spoke to me. When I say I am running with emotion, I mean that I allow my feelings to sway me and it’s fairly easy for me to get lost in them. This week I found myself disappointed with my quiet time {in fact, Jason was fairly certain we were in a season of oppression this week, as it seems one thing after another was going wrong in our house, with bible morning time, evening time, our sleep, our health, everything}. I found myself riding high on my emotions, and then low, and then everywhere in between, adding mixtures of anger and fear.

And the song --- yesterday the song reminded me that in all of that He is still there. He is inside and He is in between. And I think He had been trying to tell us that all week long {we listened to the song countless times}, but I don’t think we quieted our hearts and our emotions long enough to understand. Until yesterday, that is. So, what did He teach me this week? That he is there, right there, with my every emotion. And it’s time I step off the merry go round and fix my eyes on the One sturdy thing. I realize it’s nothing profound, and it didn’t even really come from my morning time. But it allowed me to exhale a large breath, as if giving me the ability to take all of the emotion of the week and say “here, I can’t carry this. Will you?”

I want to share with you the part of the song that we’ve been drawn to. It’s an excerpt from Tenth Avenue Norths, “Time” {if you have your volume on you’re actually listening to it now. Listen for these lyrics, they are powerful}.

I hear You say,
"My love is over.
It's underneath.
It's inside.
It's in between.
The times you doubt Me,
when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real?'
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me,
and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over,
it's underneath.
It's inside,
it's in between.
These times you're healing,
and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry,
and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion,
in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow,
under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you,
by My power alone.
I don't care where you fall,
where you have been.
I'll never forsake you,
My love never ends.
It never ends."


My advice this week would be to continue to be faithful to your commitment, even when the week seems to be going no where; I believe God will honor obedience.

** For more Motivate Me Mondays, visit Like A Warm Cup of Coffee

3 comments:

  1. Wow...

    I am listening to the song and I read the lyrics, beautiful.

    I thank God for victory over death...for victory over our emotions.

    Thank you for a grounding post.

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  2. ((((hugs)))) Very true. I look forward to hearing that song, thank you for your beautiful and honest post. It was encouraging.

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  3. My heart breaks for you - I did a little research so I was up to date on your life.

    Rest in your Lord. Take refuge in Him. He will cover you with the peace that you need.

    You are an encouragement.

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