Thursday, September 17, 2009

A blessing, not a burden.

I’ve had this post partially written forever, but it seems something always happens that seem more ‘urgent’, so I haven’t posted this.

My pregnancy has been full of crazies. Being told the baby might not be viable, constant puking, an incompetent cervix, a surgery in which the nurse left us hanging for over an hour after she told us she couldn’t find a heartbeat on the baby, a 22 week bed rest sentence, placenta previa, weekly shots in the bum, pre-term labor with a week hospital stay and all of us thinking we were just about to deliver {contractions vs. magnesium sulfate = contractions won}, and now polyhydramnios. Not to mention the fact that I actually got pregnant to begin with!

The list above is primarily which you’ve read about here. When Josiah starts acting up I tell him to go to his room and shake out the crazies. Sometimes I wish I could do the same with that list. But more often than not that list reminds me what an amazing miracle of God this child is. Look what we’ve endured, what He has brought us through, where He has faithfully said “this is my battle” and then He’s walked before us to ensure we won. My husband has prayed and prayed for God to show off during this pregnancy, for it to be all about His glory … and with each incident conquered, that is what has happened. Why should I expect less? Her life, even now is a testament.

Every woman will tell you that being pregnant is an amazing, miraculous thing. I agree. I was telling Jason the other night that I cannot fathom how people can witness or experience birth – or the act of a woman sustaining life inside her body and NOT believe in God?

I love my pregnant body. I love my belly and all 40 pounds I’ve already gained {uhm, remember my water overload when reading that please! Ha!}. I even love my thighs – though that’s probably because I can’t actually see them. I love feeling my daughter move inside of me. I love when she responds to her daddy’s touch. All of it is an amazing, amazing gift … one I thought I was not going to ever have; I truly hope I haven't taken too much of it for granted.

I don’t for a second believe that being pregnant makes one a mother. I’ve seen pregnant woman be anything but mothers, and know the most amazing mothers who have never been pregnant. But when the two collided in my life a new reason to rejoice was formed. I fully realize how lucky, blessed, whatever goes here I am!

With all my requests and worries and drama I just wanted to share all of this with you. Carrying this child is not even close to a burden, it is a huge miraculous blessing.

{and as for this morning’s appointment – well, it stunk; but I am leaving those details to a moment when I am feeling more positive about them to share!}

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