Sunday, September 12, 2010

On being "mom".


{and "dad" I guess, since it's a journey we've both taken, but since I am the one writing I get to pick the title! so there!}

At first there was bed rest. And then there was the whole newborn deal. And then we had the NICU. And the Swine Flu. And the hospital. And back to the newborn phase. And all the dealings in between. I had finally been given my dream job: I was a stay at home mom. But to be honest, I was having a hard time finding balance. I’d spend the day cleaning and then wonder if I had spent enough time with the kids. I take the kids to the park for the day and then my husband would come home to a messy house. I’d have a child {or 2} attached to me non-stop and wonder when the heck I was supposed to have time to eat. Or pee. ALONE. Pretty please. Because peeing alone is important. I’d spend a half hour looking for my keys to discover they were in the fridge. Or even in my hands!

In the beginning of the summer we took time to sit down and decide what the priorities needed to be. The vision of a clean house, hot meal, sexy momma and kids reading scripture at the table wasn’t happening {note my sarcasm}. But chaos was not the answer God was calling us to either.

My mission was my family. We had already decided to toss out the comfy-ness of money. I needed to control my perfectionism. Luckily, summer was just around the corner and the lazy days of fun were just what we needed to find our niche. Our groove.

My goal each day {in regards to my job} is to SERVE my family and DISCIPLE my children. They see what the love of God looks like through us, mom and dad! What are we showing them? We want to show them that a marriage is the numero uno relationship in the house {below each’s own with Christ}. We are a team, we are committed, and we are their safe haven. OUR actions and daily activities must be on track. How can we teach discipline, if we do not live disciplined lives ourselves? They see what is important to us and what stirs passion in our hearts, and THOSE SAME THINGS become little flames in their hearts.

I’ve talked before about how people have tried to “guilt” me about our “parenting style”. I suppose it’s something I have struggled with and it took the summer for us to decide why we believe what we do in regards to our home. I DON’T want to control my children, or become legalistic with them. I DO want them to be obedient and respectful. They each have their own personalities and need to be handled their own ways, though we still struggle with Josiah {granted his issues are beyond normal ranges}. Anyway, my point is I finally feel confirmation in our path. In the last week I have heard 3 {Growing Kids God’s Way} people say “I wish I held and rocked my baby more when they were little”. I believe I am here to serve my children. I believe God made my body to breastfeed and that means Ella needs to eat when she’s ready to eat, not when a clock says it’s time {which can create milk issues and failure to thrive issues in newborns}. I recall Jesus breaking away from his time of prayer to assist his disciples, because he loved them. I want to follow the pattern of my own Great Teacher’s life as I train my children. It means I will be inconvienced. It means I may not sleep through the night until my baby is a year old. It means I may have to not blog one night because my 4 year old is throwing a fit and needs to be attended to and disciplined properly instead of just thrown back in his room. I feel the summer has been a season of seeking and questioning in regards to my role, and I am finally secure in it. It’s been confirmed, and God has used others, especially in this last week to give me peace about it.

Jason and I have also gained “mentors”; meaning we’ve been meeting with a couple who has older children. They’ve given us great tips and shared experiences. Have prayed for us, and have agreed to hold us accountable. I think this added benefit will prove to be helpful over the years!

I guess my point in all of this, is that as fall approaches I finally feeling like I fully know my job description and my goals are managed and my scale isn’t teetering off to one side! Not that we have anything down, or a perfect running home life, but I finally feel smoothness. An ease to the days. Where I see clean and homemade and sweet laughs and feel FULL, not confused. I suppose I’m allowing the new season to be a new chapter. It’s like when you’ve been at that new job for awhile and you finally feel like you have things under control. Or you at least know what you’re doing enough to create the appearance of “under control”!

Some awesome links that speak of these things are:
awesome book. a yearly read, I think.

So, I honestly think the titles of some of his books are stupid. BUT we like his theory of reality discipline.

And this is just something great to check out on my fav. blog!

{Salary.com came up with a way for stay-at-home moms to figure out how much they could be making if they were getting paid. According to their research (based on a survey of more than twelve thousand mothers with ten job functions) a stay-at-home mom would make an annual salary of $122,732, so I am expecting the checks to roll in at any time. Ha!}

1 comment:

  1. Glad to read this-I've been working through this balance thing too and good to see your perspective!

    ReplyDelete