Friday, May 13, 2011

the truth about babies.



Not exactly what I planned on sharing, but it’s the first thing that came to mind upon reading the prompt “deep breath …”


2:35pm

Maybe because a deep breath is what you do before you jump off a diving board, or step into something scary?

I had an appointment scheduled in March to talk to Dr. T {our wonderful baby doc, if you’ll recall} about having another baby. Yes sir’re. Did we attend that appointment? Nope.

A – Would it be easy to get pregnant again? Would we even be willing to do infertility treatments at this point in life? Are we setting ourselves up for disappointment?

B – And if we did get pregnant we know very well what it entails! We had to fully rely on SO many people for SO long last time around. How could we ask that of them again? And if the bad stuff happened again, could we handle that? AGAIN?

C – It’s scary. Do we want to put US through that again?

D – Infant adoption has been brought to the table as a discussion point. So has waiting another year. So has sticking my head in the sand and refusing to talk about it all.

E – But … for some reason baby fever is looming. Little tiny baby fingers everywhere. Sigh.

Maybe the most important point? If you would have asked me prior to Ella if I wanted to get pregnant, my answer would have been a firm NO {= fear}. But God had other plans and now I would not, could not imagine one single second without my Ella girl. Good thing I don’t make the final decisions around here. Fear and doubt is all that leads to the above questions. Maybe we should just take a deep breath, let go … and jump.

2:40pm

2 comments:

  1. Ah yes, I am having a bout with the baby fever mysef. But we can't seem to be on the same page at the same time as to what to do about it. And so, we pray.

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  2. This is a hard one, isn't it? I think you're such an amazing mother, and I'd love to see you share that love with another baby. But then, I'm thrilled you're sharing it with the ones you have now. And it was a lot to go through.

    I'm making the decision to have my tubes tied. 8 pregnancies in 13 years, 7 babies, 1 with fatal birth defects, and this one coming with a serious neural tube defect...I don't think I can do this anymore. There are so many good reasons to just tie my tubes and be done with it. Still, there's just something that's hard about that kind of permanent decision, even if I believe it's the right one.

    I know you'll find the right thing. I have faith for you. And baby fever? It's strong. Good luck!

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